#and there was a comment someone wrote on quora about how if u regularly drink to blackout ur trying to obliterate ur consciousness
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i am filled with immeasurable self-hatred. i dont want to exist i wish i were dead i hate myself more profoundly and deeply than im capable of hating anyone
#i keep getting blackout drunk#every single time i drink now#and it doesnt even fuck me up the next day as bad as it used to unless its 3-4 days in a row#but i was tryingto find idk some sort of advice or help or something online about it#and there was a comment someone wrote on quora about how if u regularly drink to blackout ur trying to obliterate ur consciousness#and that requires an alarming amount of self hate#and yeah thats me#thats me#thast where im at in my life i want to stop fucking existing#but im also too much of a coward to kill myself#just like im too muhc of a coward to transition#to try#to change#im a coward#im a coward and i hate myself i want to die#killmekillmekillmekillmekillmekillmekillmekillme
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